pressure goes to frustrations

For the past years, I've been aiming to go back in teaching as my profession. I tried for couple of times to file my resignation and look for better job - preferably day jobs for me to be able to have time for a lot of things. But I always fail...its either they don't allow immediate resignation or due to schedule reasons. Disappointments and frustrations follows.

For the past few months I always complain about my job, to the extend that I push my self in going to work in such a way that my job is already a burden to me.

But last week...I'm already on the edge of my sanity...I cried for no reason, I felt like my heart will explode in any minute. Eric keep on asking me whats wrong, for an hour I find it hard to answer and at the same time I'm also trying to convince my self that everything is fine. Everything is well.

But I failed to convince my self. Big time.

The truth is....

I'm hurting..I'm hurting how things are going on in my life in terms of my career. I should not be here...I'm supposed to be out there with kids beside me, with children laughing and playing around, with a book on my hand and lesson plan inside my bag.

I'm giving my self until September to correct all these things...I'm starting to read and review for upcoming exam for LET..in God's will and on His perfect time everything will be well.

I'm not happy with the things that's happening now...I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I'm angry.


I hate it.